Four Reminders For When You’re Struggling with Comparison
The comparison trap is toxic, but we often enter into it without even thinking. It can sneak up on us before we even realize what’s happening and it begins to silently erode our happiness and confidence. In this blog, I’m sharing four powerful reminders to help you overcome the toxic nature of comparison and an affirmation for self empowerment to hold on to for the week.
There is more than enough to go around
A lot of times comparison stems from a subconscious feeling of lack or scarcity. For example, if you’re in the business of networking marketing and you hear someone else in the company is on a recruiting roll and they’ve built their team by 15 people in the last month - it’s common to think “well good for them but that’s 15 less people in the world that can join my business.”
Instead of succumbing to this scarcity mindset, focus on your strengths. There are tons of books, coaching programs, and other tools that can help you uncover your strengths if you don’t know what they are. One that really helped me is the book Strengths Finder 2.0, which is a personalized assessment of your top 5 CliftonStrengths and a description of what each strength means. When you know your strengths you’re less likely to compare yourself to others who have different strengths than you and it becomes easier to remember that there's an abundance of opportunities for everyone!
Become the person you’re comparing yourself to
Comparison can be healthy, if it’s done consciously. Let me explain, when you see someone who has something or has achieved something you desire, you have a choice. You can let it push you to become a better version of yourself or you can allow it to defeat you and spiral you into resentment. I’m hoping that you choose the former. Because the truth is, you have the power to change and evolve at any point in your life.
One of the most powerful mindset shifts to help me move past comparison and into empowerment has been to change the question I ask myself. When someone else is farther along than I am or has what I want but haven’t yet achieved, instead of asking myself “ugh why hasn’t that happened for me yet, what am I doing wrong?” I ask “ooh, what are they doing that I missed, how can I learn from what they’re doing?”
That simple shift changes my perspective from shame and defeat to empowerment and motivation.
What you consume can consume you
As grateful as I am for social media and the way it allows us to connect across long distances, meet people we never would have met otherwise, and open the floodgates of opportunity is business, it also has the ability to take a toll on our mental health.
So, if you’re struggling with comparison, evaluate who you’re following on social media. How are you feeling after being on social media? Do you often close the app feeling down and “less than” or do you close the app feeling motivated to go after your goals and become the best version of yourself?
If what you’re scrolling through on your social media feed isn’t motivating and encouraging you, it’s time to exercise some control over your digital surroundings. Take a break from it altogether or unfollow and mute notifications for accounts that contribute to negative emotions. Instead work on creating a feed that inspires and uplifts you when you log on.
Everything happens in perfect timing
Your desired timeline or someone else's apparent success at a different stage might trick you into thinking you're falling short. I know it has for me a time or two. But that’s not true. God’s timing is perfect for all things, which means even if what you want doesn’t happen when you hoped it would, or someone else receives it before you do - that doesn’t mean it’s not coming.
When you struggle with moments of comparison, take a moment to pause and mentally list some things you are grateful for. Gratitude for what you already have can be a powerful antidote to the poison of comparison. Trust the process, stay committed to your goals, and celebrate the progress you’ve made up until this point.
What’s the answer? How can I overcome comparison?
While there’s no simple answer to this, the best thing I can encourage you to do if you’re struggling with comparison is to work on personal development. Personal development is exactly as it sounds…personal. Which means there are lots of ways to grow. It can look like implementing a morning routine, journaling, beginning therapy, committing to reading a personal development book every month, hiring a coach, or a million other things – the important thing is to do something! And to begin right away!
Affirmation of the week
Lastly, grab a pen and paper, or open up the notes section on your phone and save this affirmation for the week ahead. “I take responsibility for my own well-being and I'm able to function independently of others.”
In case this is the first time we’re connecting, I’m Jill, an entrepreneur, speaker, author, and leader inspiring other women to live out their God given purpose by helping them overcome physical, mental, and financial hardships. If you liked this blog post and want more where that came from, here are a few ways we can work together:
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